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♥You Think This Kills Me♥ [entries|friends|calendar]
♥Shannon Gail♥

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leavemealone.. [Wednesday
November 25th, 2009
5:23pm
]
[ mood | confused ]

you haunt me. you keep coming in my head and i just need you to be gone. i know i hurt you, and i know i practically killed you but please, i'm sorry.. i am. You say you've forgiven me but why do you keep haunting my head? when it's time for bed your face is there making it impossible to fall asleep. I keep thinking about you when i shouldn't. why can't you just leave me alone? it's like i'm finally feeling your pain that i made you feel. You're crushing me, destroying me and i havent even seen you in over two years. why do you keep coming back in my head? why can't i let you go from my past? i need you to be gone, i need you to be okay, and i need to move on. i dont know why you werent right for me but i know i'm not right for you.. i know if i were to of stayed i would have killed you. I wouldve ruined everything that i loved about you. I would make you miserable. you were my bestfriend.. and i miss that more than anything. But it's always been him, and i love him more than anything in this world, and i know i'll be with him til the day i die. please understand that i didnt want to hurt you, i loved you. but he's the one. please please please please stop haunting my head. let me sleep tonight..... i'm sorry.

i promise you that i was no good for you, and i never will be. you deserve to be with someone who loves every bit of you.

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this is for you. [Wednesday
October 28th, 2009
5:37pm
]
[ mood | drained ]

I know what it's like to be detsroyed. to be torn. to be stomped on. to feel nothing. I know the feeling of hurt and pain. You feel like a loser, you know you're a loser. You want to die, and cry, and be mad all at once. Happiness isn't an emotion you recognize anymore. I know that pain. I've felt that pain. I've lived through that pain. I know what it's like when no one in the world understands a damn thing your saying. I know what it's like to feel like this is it, this is the end. I know what it's like to feel so hurt that nothing but death seems right. I know what it feels like to have your fucking heart ripped out of your fucking chest and torn up into a million pieces. It's a never ending, horrible feeling. You want to throw up, cry, drown in your tears, and ultimately die. I know what it's like to love someone so much that if you're not with them there is absolutely nothing in this earth that could make you better. I know what it's like to want to die. to give up. to drown. to bleed out. I know what it's like when you just want everything to end but you keep going and you keep pretending everything is ok. I know these feelings, i've been through this, and at days i'm still going through it. but you have to pick your head up, put a fucking smile on and livelife. you have to allow yourself to be happy again.

i have the world at my feet and sometimes i just want to jump off. I want to see life without me in it.


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we could disappear.. [Thursday
September 24th, 2009
9:24am
]
[ mood | sad ]

things just arent going right. why cant this world be nothing but happiness? i guess that's pretty impossible. but we have to stay strong. through the hard times we have to stay strong. becoming weak is the worst mistake you could make. sometimes life isnt fair and sometimes it seems like your whole world is crashing right in front of your eyes, and what the fuck do you do? well.. you stick your head up, and smile. remember that you were once a happy person. that things do get better, if you give it time. time takes forever though, doesnt it? i'm so fucked up and confused. in high school things were so easy for me and my friends. nothing bad ever happened, everything was set. everything was fine. and now that we're out on our own it seems like the world we once used to feel so safe and happy in is falling, crashing, crumbling to the ground. what the fuck can save us now? can we save ourselves? we have eachother dont we? even if youre away at college i can still use your strength to get by..

my friends families are crashing and i will be the rock they lean on, and i will take care of them. their more like family than friends. they've been there through all my horrible times, and now it's my turn to be a fucking MAN and help them. how ever i can, i will. they mean the world to me. <3

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[Saturday
September 19th, 2009
9:15pm
]
[ mood | cheerful ]

the world is over. ahh.. forreal. i think the world is so fucked up. i think we all need to take a fucking break, look around and realize the world is so precious and that we need to stop fucking it up. plant a tree. grow some flowers. smell the fresh air. be happy. life live with a smile permanently always on your face. even if you're not happy, just fucking smile. it's what you need to do. live life fast, just remember to breathe. people need to take the time to think about themselves. make yourself happy before others because ultimately you're not giving it your all to make them smile. dont be in a fucking relationship if you hate who you are because you're only given the person half of who you are.


just fucking smile. always smile. :)

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[Thursday
September 17th, 2009
3:07pm
]
[ mood | chipper ]

so world, where are we in life?


hmph, why do people lie? i mean a white lie once in awhile is fine but constantly lying is just ridiculous if you ask me. why do we lie to make the ones we love feel better, because in the end arent we just hurting them same way. lies never got unnoticed and people usually get caught so why? do we lie to make ourselves feel better? do we lie to make others feel better? do we lie to make the world a little bit better than it was the day before? or do we lie in order to make sure we get a goodnights sleep at the end of a long day? either of these ways are no excuse for lying.. telling your bestfriends hair is cute when it's not is one thing but the government lying to their people is outrageous. horrible. wrong. they thing they're protecting us but theyre really just hurting us. who are we if we never know the truth? we are the lie. we feed the lies that we're told. we spread them like giant mosquitoes. infecting everyone we talk too. fuck our mouths. fuck our words. and fuck the lies we're told.

be a fucking real person. tell the truth before you hurt anyone too bad. lies can lead to horrible consequences.

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could this be true? no no.. [Sunday
September 13th, 2009
11:21am
]
[ mood | amused ]

joke of the day: what does the lion king and obama have in common?
ANSWER: the king was a african lion and the president is a lyin african.

funny right? actually, no. it's not funny at all. An older gentlemen told me this yesterday while at a bbq. he didnt realize that i am an obama supporter. I WANT A FUTURE. and i believe that obama will be giving me a future.


I hate small minded people and ignorant people. it's 2009 people! racism is ridiculous and needs to be put in the past! grow up. learn a lesson and look around you. we are all different. gay. straight. bi. black. white. asian. mexican. whatever we may be we share this earth together. we wake up every morning and breathe just like everyone else. we love. we laugh. we hug. we kiss. we smile. we cry. we all do the same things but we're all judged so differently. why is that? because of our beliefs, or what we look like, or who we may love may not be of the opposite sex. but who are you to judge? i am who i am without any discomfort. i love myself and my life. and the people that surrond it. we have an african american president and some people see that as the world ending.. but what the fuck did Bush do? he drowned us in war and violence. he gave the young adults of america nothing. no jobs, just unemployment. so thank you bush, you did this country well. my beliefs are strong and i will stand up for anything that i believe in without any fear.


it's time for a change.  a change in the way we look at life.

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so this is life.. [Friday
September 11th, 2009
11:53am
]
[ mood | thoughtful ]

where's our revolution? where's our youth's rebellion? are we all potheads and alcoholics? have we conformed to government's standards? cant we change the idea or the wannabe's and wash-outs, or is that what we're meant to be? we're dreamers of the LA scene and the new york dream. where's our woodstock? where's our protests? where's our voice? what happened to us? why are we the way we are? our teachers tell us to dream big and go for the gold. but what if all we really want is to be happy? cant that be enough? do we really need to be famous actors with a size 00 to be successful? why cant we just make a statement? stand for what we believe in and stop being a pussy! why cant we say we hate war? and actually do something about it? why? why can't we change the world? what happened to the youth of  america? where's our tomorrow's leaders?

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end of summer... [Tuesday
August 4th, 2009
3:46pm
]
[ mood | anxious ]

its getting close to the end of summer.. and all my friends will go their seperate ways. are we really ready for this? did clintondale really prepare us? are we going to make it? can we be strong? can we get through this? I dont know if i'm ready to grow up. I know i have too, but every part of me wants to remain that child. Are we really all leaving? i dont know if i'm strong enough to say goodbye. to my family, my friends, my home, my bubble. i think back and i cant believe i ever thought that i hated this place.  this place made me who i am, and i'm damn proud of who i came out to be. i like where i'm at in my life. i feel steady and comfortable with myself. and i know that no matter what i can make it.

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love love love. [Thursday
June 18th, 2009
11:00am
]
[ mood | satisfied ]

Oh my, so I graduated. i'm very proud of myself. I accomplished a major stepping stone in my life. 

now.. it's time to live my life the way i choose.

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it's over. goodbye.. [Saturday
May 30th, 2009
1:55pm
]
[ mood | accomplished ]

last day of high school was yesterday. I don't think I realized how important this step is, in my life. I look around at everyone's faces and I knew right then and there that i might and probably never will see them again. Some of my class I barely talked to but in the end, we will walk across that stage together. We finished something together, and for that i'm thankful for having them in my life. The senior breakfest was a bitter sweet ending to it all. There we were, in one area, all together, for the last time. no interruptions, no work, no struggle, just all of us.. ready to leave. I couldnt grasp this at the time but now.. today.. i feel like everything is over. We as seniors, started something together and now.. it's time to finish it. I really dont think i'm ready to let go of all of them but i do know, that they will survive in the REAL WORLD, and will make a difference. Clintondale taught us to be ourselves, express our feelings, and never judge anyone. Our senior class looks at a person and we dont see skin, ethnicity, religion, hair style, glasses, etc.. we see the person for who they are. I love this about us. We have the power to look past at all of this and see the real person and what they  might have to offer us. I love my senior class, and it's a sad goodbye but a much excited one. We as a class, are ready to leave high school and start life off right. I am going to miss the jokes, the laughs, the run to our first hours, the looks, the lunch room talks, the crazy halls, the insane parties, the football/basketball games. and most of all.. i'm going to miss us beng all together as one. I love you all, senior class. You have truly inspired me. good luck, with all you do. I know we can and will make it. <3

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just did a survey.. [Saturday
March 28th, 2009
8:10am
]
[ mood | FJK. ]

and they asked this question:
How do you want to die?

my answer:

something to where i can FEEL death. to know what it FEELS like to die. you only die once, i want to know what it EXACTLY feels like. something painful, something that makes me realize that i'm dying. something i wont forget. something that no one will forget. something tragic. something to make people stop and think about their life. something like that..

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what a job.. [Saturday
March 28th, 2009
7:58am
]
[ mood | cheerful ]

I worked last night till 12:30 am. someone please shoot me? i beg.
oh! and i might get called in today too, aren't i just so lucky?

if you're looking for a job, i wouldnt recommend the movie theater. you always smell like popcorn and sweat.

here's an old journal entry.. this was a low point in my life. BUT, i'm really good with where i'm at NOW. Things keep falling in place..NOW, IF I COULD ONLY FIND A NEW JOB!!!! LOL..

March 25, 2008 12:21 p.m.

    I don’t believe in genuine people. We’re all a bunch of fakes and phonies. We pretend to be people we’re not. How do you feel when you go home at night, knowing you’re nothing like what you act like during the day? I try to show people I’m strong, but boy .. I am as weak as a mouse trying to carry an elephant on their back. Nothing seems to bring a smile to my face. I should be so happy. I have parents that love me, two amazing best friends, and boys that would love to have me as their girl, but I’m nothing near happy. I’m _______ blank. I have no feeling. It’s numb and cold. Frank claims that he loves me but, now a days it’s so hard to believe. I don’t understand why I choose to hold onto what frank and I have. Maybe because when I’m with him I feel invincible. Like nothing in this world could possibly touch me, but him. His arms are strong and they make me feel incredibly safe and warm, but he rarely ever opens his arms too me anymore. His kisses are warm and full of life, maybe mine are cold and dead, maybe that’s the reason he doesn’t like kissing me anymore. His chest is my home and nook, but I never get to lay on his chest anymore. His hands are a work of art, he uses his hands everyday, and when I hold his hand, I hold so tight, I never want to let go, but I never find my hand in his hand anymore.

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oh my.. [Wednesday
March 18th, 2009
8:09am
]
[ mood | accomplished ]

i havent updated this thing in a long time.

i cant believe it's finally senior year and i'll be out on my own in less than 3 months! you think i'd be scared but i'm really not, i can handle my own. i look back at old entries and see how much i've changed and cant believe how fast time has flown by. i love all my friends, and seeing them go off to bigger and better things makes me very happy and proud of them but at the same time i know in my heart that i'm going to miss seeing their faces in the lunchroom or the halls of CHS. My freshmen year i hated CHS and now, as a senior, i can't picture graduating from any other school. The class of 2009 is more than friends but their family too me, and you never want to let go of your family. CHS has taught me so many life lessons, maybe not as much learning as the classrooms but the hallways of CHS is like a classroom. You interact will all different types of people and deal with their different personalities and races. CHS is by far the most diverse school around Macomb County. I'm proud to say i graduated from CHS, it gave me a better understanding of the real world and how many different people you're going to have to interact with.

June 5th, 2009 is when i'll officially be a High School Graduate. and boy, i can not wait!

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yeah yeah yeah [Monday
February 18th, 2008
8:49pm
]
[ mood | loved ]

 
" i want to hold my breath for as long as it takes.
i want to stop breathing just long enough to know what
it would be like to be totally still.
like being a cough away from death.
not really there - not really here."
- Bottled Up.

i've been reading a lot of books lately. 
eight to be exact. but the qoute above hit me like a rock.
i can't get it out of my head.

things change you know? and people change too.
i've done a lot of growing up since i last updated.
i've learned many things and yet, i'm still me.
i have different friends, different point of views, and different life.
one thing that hasnt changed is the person i love the most.
 my boyfrann. <3
he's the only person whose stuck around when i got bad.
in the summer of 2007 the doctors diagnosed me with mild depression.
i can't think straight when i'm mad, and i take anger out on everything.
 my family is afraid of me. 
 i've broken my nuckle twice because of my anger.
i'd rather stay mad than sad.
 i get mad at everything and everyone.
i stopped talking to all my friends and lost myself.

but now, life is back in order.
although, my old friends are still gone.
i have new ones. they keep me happy.
and it's never drama.
 probably because they're all guys except amy but oh well. lol.

 girlfriends piss me off.
my boys have girlfriends
the girls think i want them. lmfao.
 no thanks.
i already have an amazing boyfrann.
 jealousy pisses me off especially when i already have a boyyy.
 people are dumb.

i'm going to bed.
or 
read the rest of my book.
i started it a day ago and i got about ten pages left. 
 i read fast. lol.

goodnight.

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I Try To Forget The Past... [Monday
August 29th, 2005
4:47pm
]
[ mood | ditzy ]

today--

wow!!! first day back to school!!!! i guess you can say it was okay. i mean highschool isnt that bad i guess. umm..
1st hour had to be the best hour tho. it was mrs. scibilia yea i know most people dont like her but all my friends are in that class && she was nice today.
2nd hour was okay mr. moskal is very cool. umm..
3rd hour!! haha!!! 3rd hour oh my wow..ok..um..i sit behind mike KLINE (frank's brother) haha...he's shy.  he can talk to me on phones but not in class. lol. but he's cool. after class he hit me with his book! loser!!! lol.
4th hour mr.townsend is VERY cool. lol. thats all i have to say.
Lunch. wow!! ALOT of my friends are there! EXCEPT frank,thomas, && justin. that really makes me SAD!!!
5th hour. umm..wow!!! its me && kyle && a bunch of other people we do NOT know. lol. it was really boring && me && kyle just fooled around for the most part.
6th hour. MATH!!! ugh..hate it! mrs. anderlite wasnt even there && she already gave us homework!! ugh!

i rarely ever saw frank..not COOL!! i think he went home tho..hes really sick. ugh..NOT cool. once agian!!!

Well I'm Done Now.

The End.

Shannon.Gail.Leija

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No Hard Feelings With Kids. [Monday
August 1st, 2005
1:29am
]
[ mood | artistic ]

 

leave a comment i'll add you. k?

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See A Falling Star. [Thursday
July 21st, 2005
9:53pm
]
[ mood | content ]

WOW! umm..today was quiet awesome!! i hung out wif mikey ashley && kyle. we had fun! = ]

ok..so here are 3 new people.

3 people i got closer to this year.

1. Kayla
2. Kevin
3. Amy

ilovethem...ALOT.

your name will be up there so DONT worry.

well i'm done now.

the end.

Shannon.Gail.Leija

iloveyoufrankjosephkline. <3
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I'm So In Love With What We Were. <3 [Tuesday
June 28th, 2005
11:41pm
]
[ mood | haha...ihatepeople. ]

yay? it's been 5 months wif frank. = D i guess...i'm happy.

but today i danced in the rain wif ashley <3 it was fun.

wish....my boyfriend would've been there. but i guess now a days that's to much to ask for.

wow...5 months wif him and yea..i guess it's TOO hard to see me.  but yea..w/e. = (

or even call if that. *thanks i apperciate it*

umm..but yea. i had fun although my boyfriend forgot about me. = \

today i hung out wif ashley mikey and kyle.

kyle would NEVER shut ^! lol.

well..

i re-did my livejournal what do you think,

ilikeitALOT!

well...

i'm done now.

the end. <3

This Is Me,
Kissing You,
XOXO

Love.
Shannon.Gail.Leija

iguessiloveyoufrankjosephkline? </3

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[Tuesday
June 28th, 2005
8:56pm
]
[ mood | I DID IT! = D ]

I RE-DID THE LIVEJOURNAL!!! = D

 

please comment on your opinion?!?!

*thank you*

 

love,
Shannon Gail.

bye.

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You Have The Key To My So Called Heart [Sunday
June 19th, 2005
6:05pm
]
[ mood | HANGING WIF JUSTIN! ]

LOOK AT MY LIVEJOURNAL USERIINFO!! I RE-DID IT!!

 

LEAVE ALOT OF COMMENTS! BECAUSE I RARELY EVER GET COMMENTS ANYMORE!!
30 COMMENTS WILL MAKE ME HAPPY = D
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